Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So vagazzling was a success
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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