K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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