she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
