just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
