Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
