just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
