god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she smelled like a LAN party
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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