Welp...herpes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
