I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
