question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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