Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
