I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
