is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
