All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
