How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
