it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
