I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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