I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
