Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
