Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
