I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Congratulations! We have a period
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
