Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize