she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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