New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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