I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
