Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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