I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
