I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
