Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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