I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found a bag of teeth...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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