watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
