just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
