Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
