I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
