Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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