We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
