Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
