This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
