I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
