Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize