You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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