At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
