Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
