i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
