I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
