I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
