I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
