yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
