Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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