Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
