11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
