I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
