Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want her autograph on my taint
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
