girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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