I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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