I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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