ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
