He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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