i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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