A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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