Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
