Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drake has all the answers
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
