dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
