I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize