So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
