it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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