Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
