i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
