doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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