Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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