Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
