After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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